Impact Of Divorce On Children & How To Minimise It [Tips From A Divorce Law Expert]
Navigating divorce can be a huge challenge, not just for you, but for your children as well. Growing up in two homes can foster lots of negative emotions in your little ones that, if left unchecked, can lead to unruly behaviour, insecurities, and even mental health struggles such as anxiety or depression.
You don’t have to go through it alone. In this article, we’ll discuss the impact of divorce on children and provide the best ways to support them through this transition, and build a stronger connection as a new type of family unit.
| Our advice only applies to families separating for reasons unrelated to abuse or violence. If you have experienced any form of abuse, know that you are not alone.
For advice on this delicate matter, check out our domestic violence page, or get in touch with our dedicated family lawyer, Tayo Taylor, for legal advice. |
How Does Divorce Impact Children?
When divorce becomes a reality, children, especially at a young age, feel it intensely. The effects can manifest in many ways:
Sense of loss
Whatever the reasons for your split, your children may deal with deep feelings of loss and grief for the life they had before. Not only that, but it can be difficult to fully be there for your children mentally when you’re navigating your own emotional turmoil.
Fear
After the split, children are often met with a strong fear of abandonment. They might think that, if one parent can leave, then the other one might do the same – fear which can be incredibly difficult to deal with long-term.
Anger
Children may also direct their anger at one or both parents for the breakdown of the relationship. This anger can result in your children misbehaving, quietly withdrawing socially, lower academic performance, or loss of interest in their own hobbies.
Guilt
Some children might start believing that the separation might somehow be their fault. They might start second-guessing themselves, leading to lots of self-criticism and low self-esteem.
Insecurity
After divorce, the world can suddenly feel like a less safe, less predictable place for your children. This insecurity can cause them to withdraw from social interactions and activities they once loved.
Conflict
When parents are “at war” with each other, your child will struggle to maintain relationships with you both. This is especially true if a parent constantly antagonises the other – the child might also start mistrusting them or reject them.
Unless your circumstances make conflict unavoidable, it’s best to keep things if not amicable, at least civil. It’s important that the child preserves the treasured mental image of both parents and that they maintain relations with your ex.
| Of course, there are situations where that isn’t possible. A history of drug abuse or domestic violence might put your child in a dangerous situation if they maintain contact. If this is a concern, our family lawyer, Tayo Taylor, understands these complex nuances and is here to offer guidance and support when faced with such difficult circumstances. |
How To Reduce The Impact Of Divorce On Children
While divorce is often associated with lots of negative feelings like anger, guilt, and even resentment, these complex emotions can absolutely be managed by the parents if they learn to co-parent effectively and respectfully.
Here’s how you can lovingly support your little ones during this challenging time:
Open & Honest Communication
During this time of family instability, your child not only needs to understand what’s happening but also needs to feel that it’s absolutely okay to ask you questions, no matter how difficult. Give them the space to process their feelings at their own pace, and consider professional support like private counselling if they’re struggling.
Reassurance
Make it abundantly clear that the divorce is not their fault or responsibility. Make sure to reassure your children, over and over, that they still have two parents who love them deeply and will continue to care for them, always.
Quality Time
Despite the chaos of this period, it’s important to make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your child. These moments, big or small, are crucial for them to continue feeling loved, noticed, and deeply cared for.
Reliable Routines
Our divorce law solicitor, Tayo Taylor, attests to routine being perhaps one of the most important things to maintain during a break-up.
Try to maintain your children’s usual activities as much as possible, such as seeing friends, visiting extended family, or continuing hobbies. If one parent always picked them up from football practice, try to keep that going – the fewer changes, the better.
This consistency helps your child feel that, despite the difficulties, loved ones still care about them, and life can retain a reasonable sense of normalcy.
Minimising The Impact Of Divorce On Children – What To Avoid
In these challenging times, it’s particularly important to shield your child from any parental conflict. Please try to avoid:
- Asking them to take sides – never ask your children to choose between either parent (e.g. asking them who they’d rather live with when deciding living arrangements, or who to spend a holiday with)
- Asking your child to keep tabs on the other parent – don’t use them to gather information or as messengers between the two of you
- Using your child as a weapon to “get back” at your ex-partner
- Criticising your ex-partner in front of your children
- Expecting your child to fulfill the role of emotional support or other responsibilities – they are still children with their own struggles, and it’s up to you to support them
Divorce is a journey, and it’s okay to seek support for family mediation. By approaching this transition with compassion, open communication, and a focus on your children’s well-being, you can help them navigate these challenging times, and create a parenting plan that makes them feel as supported and loved as always. Speak with our dedicated family solicitor, Tayo Taylor, today and let us help you move forward.
